How to Ask for a Reference (Even If It's Your Teacher or Coach)

You’ve found a great job or volunteer opportunity — but they’re asking for a reference. Don’t panic! Even if you’ve never had a boss before, you can still get a strong reference from a teacher, coach, club leader, or adult mentor.

This guide will walk you through exactly who to ask, what to say, and how to ask with confidence — even if you’re nervous.

What Is a Reference?

A reference is an adult who can vouch for your character, work habits, and attitude. Employers use references to get a sense of what kind of person you are and how you behave in real-life situations.

For teens, this usually means someone from school or your community who’s seen you be responsible, committed, or helpful.

Who Can Be a Reference?

You don’t need a boss to have a strong reference. Here are great options for teens:

• A teacher who knows your work ethic

• A sports coach or club leader who saw your leadership

• A volunteer supervisor

• A mentor, music teacher, or tutor

• A family friend (if they worked with you in a professional setting)

Don’t use friends, family members (like parents), or anyone who wouldn’t know your abilities in a work/volunteer setting.

How to Choose the Right Person

Pick someone who:

• Knows you fairly well

• Has seen you in a responsible or team-based setting

• Will speak positively about you

• Is reliable and responsive (they'll actually reply if contacted!)

How to Ask (Without Stressing)

Here’s a simple message you can use in person, over email, or in a message:

Example Script:

Hi [Name], I’m applying for a [job/volunteer role/school program], and they’ve asked for a reference. Would you feel comfortable being my reference? I really appreciate how you supported me in [class/team/volunteer work], and I think you’d be a great person to speak to my strengths.

If they say yes, thank them and give them:

• A short description of the job/volunteer role

• A copy of your résumé (if you have one)

• Your contact info and deadline

Tip: Always ask ahead of time — never list someone without asking first.

What Your Reference Might Be Asked

Employers might ask things like:

• How do they handle responsibility?

• Are they reliable and on time?

• Do they work well with others?

• Would you recommend them?

Help your reference help you by reminding them of moments when you showed those traits!

How to Keep It Professional

• Use clear, polite language

• Follow up with a thank you (email or handwritten note!)

• Let them know if you get the job or role

Want Help Writing the Email?

Premium members get email templates you can copy and use, and custom feedback, so you always know what to say with confidence.